Of course everyone makes mistakes, but this is a pretty big one to make. Pack-dominance theory is basically bullcrap, ignore it. Losing a dog leads to a mix of emotions that may be difficult to comprehend at times. First things first, I'd like to say that I am a terrible human being for doing what I did today so those of you who want to judge me can go ahead but I need help nevertheless. The running out the door thing can be fixed in a couple of days if you do your research and apply it properly. More constructive, think "why did this happen? Work on your patience. If you do not follow this basic advice -- you will, without a doubt, beat that dog again. And you've got plenty of time: The traffic has you inching along the highway for 45 minutes. My dog pees in the house to get even with me for going out without him. It was out of this anger, oddly Learning some of your toddler's triggers and having … Be patient. A video on the relation between anger, the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex. Obviously severe anger management issues. One lash out? The more you do with the dog and the more you both have fun, the deeper the bond. If I’m not home for awhile, especially for a few days, he will refuse to eat and lay around all day sad. It boggles my mind, how such a sweet, kissy, lovey dog can turn out of no where on other people and dogs and yet, sometimes not even react. Advice on this forum is absolutely not a substitute for professional advice from a certified behaviorist, trainer, lawyer, or medical professional. No need to treat. It sounds like she should really be on leash most of the time if she is going outside. I've read that you want to start training recall commands when the dog is already waking toward you. Get her in front of you and say "I am really sorry for what I did, that will never ever happen again and I promise I will be a better owner to you." It also helped me improve recall overtime, because my dog would recall 90% of the time, but if I got focus the dog would always come and then it became habit and I could remove the focus command. My friend’s dog also chooses me, rather than my friend. Having said that you cannot and should not be using corrections for a while. However, and here's the sad part, due to the unfortunate experience she had in the first few months of her life, she is now an extremely shy bitch. Whenever approaching a closed door or gate, before opening the door we put our hand right in front of her face and loudly say "wait". Single. It's now been three hours and I can't get over the fact that I may have ruined my relationship with her for a long time to come. Even if I've gone hoarse for sounded super-happy-excited and a really just want to throttle her. If she's smart, teaching tricks is also a great way to improve your bond. She won't understand a bloody word of it, but that's not important. Anger contracted the face of Henry Allister; he nodded gravely. If it does happen again you should re-home the dog if possible. I need to train her myself, so any help would be great about that. I don't get angry, I ask myself what's going on That means something. i hit my dog out of anger ( ) | i hit my dog out of anger how to i hit my dog out of anger for This is the obvious one – start training them at a very early age, i.e. Just don't do it again. that irks me because we do take her out for walks and play with her in my garden. Psychologist Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, who has studied rumination, theorizes that as you continue to focus on anger-provoking situations, you form new angry associations, setting up a vicious circle of anger and rumination. When all of them were later given a chance to retaliate against a hapless research assistant, those who'd been ruminating were much more apt to do so. This might be because they find their feelings of anger overwhelming or hard to control. Move on. If it's the running outside scenario you describe, you'll need to recall then treat and praise before taking away her fun by putting her inside. As long as she holds, we continue to open the door all the way, then say "okay!" You have to be the most interesting thing for recall to work so start in a non distracting environment and only call her when you know (and really know) she will listen. There are much better and less cruel ways to negatively reinforce a dog that are much more effective and much less cruel (exclusion for a brief period, for example, is a good one). This subreddit is a great starting point for a lot of information, but you should always verify and expand upon what you've read before putting it to use in your daily life. Only by making coming back in (and coming to me) the most super-awesome-thing-ever do I have a hope of getting a semi-decent recall. If you don’t deal with your anger problem, it … I want them to love their childhood and have good memories. Pay attention to how long you allow yourself to replay an infuriating scenario in your head. If it's shy of people you need to have some friends over for some beers, get them to help you out, sit on the floor and be patient. I'll definitely contain my anger, because this has been a learning incident for me too. Over time move the treat away from your face, hold gaze longer. Usually running away from the dog and making excited noises will get her close to you. Focus means the dog should make eye contact with you and hold it until you "release" the dog. Everyone makes mistakes. Which of the above statements are You've got literally the entire sum of human knowledge at your fingertips. Your boss chews you out over something inconsequential, and hours later, on the drive home, you find yourself replaying her comments over and over again. In these cases, anger is not a normal emotion but a major problem. It plays a major role in depression—pushing people over the edge from a temporary sad mood into a major, lasting sadness. Stay classy, guys. Also, it's hard but if your dog is running away from you, chasing won't work well. If she hangs out, she gets treat, but having ransoms lure the dog with food will cause you more problems in the future (running to random people on the hope of treats). The only thing I wouldn't do is have people lure her with food. We have two gates and a front door before she is outside to use the bathroom. How does this line of thinking jive with dogs who know what they are supposed to do, wait until you're not looking, and do the opposite? Cookies help us deliver our Services. In this situation you've set yourself back. If your dog appears to be exhibiting anger, depression, or any other behavior changes that are severe or last for more than a few days, it’s worth getting a professional medical opinion. "Help" does not necessarily mean mediation or lying on a couch discussing your mother. I don't want to rehome the dog just yet, because although this post makes me sound like a horrible dog owner, I do provide for her more than most homes would. Anger fueled by rumination can be especially hard to halt. I do it at every gate and door. Every time your dog does something it's not supposed to it's because you failed as a trainer. Anger occurs when pain is combined with some anger-triggering thought. Most of the time, he does it. I haven't trusted myself for a long time but I thought my dog was safe. I guarantee she will forgive and, if she relates it, kiss your ass for a while when you get home. I couldn't get focus with beef liver or steak. Try to do 3 ten minute training sessions a day and focus exercises whenever you can. Thank you, people of r/dogs, and although I won't be able to reply to each one of you, I'm reading carefully what each of you say while also continuing my YouTube and internet training on dogs. Never use recall followed by punishment. Some background on her : She's a rescued pup, when she was a month old she was found on the streets and the person who rescued her couldn't keep her because their neighbours threw stones at the dogs she had rescued, so he put them up for foster. And let her go through. UP TO 4K!Music video by Johnny Cash performing Hurt. When you think about it this way, it seems pretty unfair of you to let your anger out on the dog, no? You shout at her and smack her on the rump—and immediately feel like a class A jerk. If you were in a calmer state of mind, you'd just assume she wasn't paying attention. It's not a default setting in a dog to wait at the door to be given permission to go outside, it has to be tought. I have abused a couple of past partners. You have to be very consistent and do it all the time as you are taking her out. she can put the dog outback or in a cage for punishment, but that is animal abuse, and she could get put in jail for that. You're probably not back to square one, but yes; you will have undone a lot of good work. Dogs have a desire for you in their life (who else do they have?). I also recommend doing non obedience tricks. And, professional dog training is not an option where I live. By Kat McGowan published September 1, 2005 - last reviewed on June 9, 2016. Misplaced anger or misdirected anger is something we are all guilty of. Everything you've said she does like running outside or not coming back to you, can be fixed with training. I beat him up one time and it gave me this intense feeling of rush. Yes, beating an animal indicates severe anger management issues. It's time I got a little mature about it. if anyone ever even hit my dog lightly, i would kick them out. This is already too long, so I'll stop. You can't take it out on the traffic, since there's nothing to be done about it. If you have to, punch a wall instead and break your own fingers. Your real fuck up was allowing your dog to be in a situation where they could fuck up at that age. Thanks for all the tips, guys, you've been very helpful. So, you have to train and aren't getting professional help - which is fine. Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC, 7 Basic Personality Ingredients of Difficult People. They were really hard ... the last one she yelped out pretty loudly... Re-home the dog, seek professional help, and don't get another dog until your doctor believes you've reached the level of maturity required to have one. I'm definitely going to work on anger management (not containment, as one of you pointed out) and make sure my dog is never at the receiving end of any of those ever again. Research suggests that a better technique is to distract yourself. My dad used to bit the sh*t out of my mom and was easily angered. But you're not really learning anything new. Sometimes, he looks at me like he's never heard sit before. Put some treats in your pocket and walk around the house. Jesus the comments in this thread. By the time you get home, you're seething—at your boss, at the highway, at the world. I ask my dog to sit at street corners because he'll just walk right out into traffic otherwise. So I think I'd better train her myself. They were really hard, and must have obviously hurt because on the last one she yelped out pretty loudly. I'm definitely going to work on anger management (not containment, as one of you pointed out) and make sure my dog is never at the receiving end of any of those ever again. It's just an isolated incident that I need help to get her over with. If she makes it out without waiting it is your fault and you can't get mad. I've been very gradual and patient with her thus far, but today in a bout of rage I fear I may have undone all my training and she would most likely have sunk into her deep-seated insecurities. The author assesses that feeling. I may have ruined my relationship with her for a long time to come. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. But if your mind is churning with angry thoughts, you're going to assume she did it on purpose. Hell, talking you frustrations out with the dog. I don't understand why her being in your own garden is an issue. Because part of anger involves self-justification (i.e, the feeling that you are right to be angry), the anger only grows as you continue to think of reasons why you were right and the other person wrong. I don't want my kids to turn out like me. Weaving through the legs is easy, roll over, shakes, high fives. When she's in the garden, she can be a real bitch to get inside. I love my dog so much but there's this one dog that I really dislike to the point where I want to torture it. Just going through the door should be enough reward. I'm not contributing more since there's valuable advice already that covers what I wanted to say. That being said there's no reason you can't donut yourself. As you mull over the details of an enraging episode, you may think you're trying to get more information out of it—a new understanding. Check out non-obedience stuff as well (cannicross, agility, barn hunts etc etc). My Beagle mix is so food crazy she has figured out how to act like a good dog and wait for people to leave the room, then she goes nuts, counter surfing, checking the trash, etc. In his study, participants were interrupted and humiliated while doing a difficult task. Treats teach the concept, you provide the motivation. If you don't want to address it or can't, you really need to consider rehoming the dog because no amount of training will help if that is going to be a potential reaction in the future. So the next time she's being "bad" don't be mad at her. I will also be considering a rehoming, if my training fails and I consider it necessary, but I doubt that will happen because some of your comments have really given me the patience and will-power to continue with my training, and despite what it may seem I usually do give her all my love, since she's all I have right now. However, every time she does; she gets a treat. You've gotten some great in-depth advice already so I won't elaborate on that. This is the first time I've turned my anger on an animal. A typical anger management programme may involve 1-to-1 counselling and working in a small group. It's almost impossible to laugh and be angry at the same time. What followed was a good 15-20 minutes of running behind her in tall grass (my neighbours have unkempt backyards) while I was already tired and late for work. It's important that you say it and you mean it. To be totally honest, I want to I think you want to start with very short "hold" times like one second and work your way up to longer hold times. Psychologists have evidence that rumination also plays a significant role in postponed and redirected anger. REMASTERED IN HD! “If your dog isn’t eating or is generally less physical or showing signs of malaise—that can be a sign of something as simple as an injury or arthritis, or it could be more serious,” Case says. If it were to happen again the time requirement to get your dog where you want her to be may just be too much to make it happen. When You Want To Know How To Stop Being Angry In Your Relationship, You Have To Understand That Your Hurt Feelings Are Often The Cause Of Your Anger. She even wags her tail after growling at a dog and acts like she has no clue what just For a period, yes. Could you elaborate? It was a learning experience. I just wanted to give you a word of advice: Every time your dog does something it's not supposed to it's because you failed as a trainer. Also, if this is not the first time you have lashed out at something in rage; consider seeking help. Thoughts that can trigger anger include personal assessments, assumptions, evaluations, or interpretations of situations that makes people think that someone else is attempting (consciously or not) to hurt them. If your dog is afraid of boxes, feed the dog near the box, or put treats near the box, in the box, ect. The habit can also turn a nervous person into someone truly suffering from anxiety. The term describes the fact that when you're preoccupied with angry thoughts, you're much more likely to see in other people's ambiguous behavior a negative, personal slight. That person who barged into you while chattering on her cell phone? How could a dog’s death hurt as much as that of a relative? Who Most Wants to Get Back Together With an Ex? Rumination makes it much more likely that you'll jump to such an antagonistic conclusion. and you'll get all the space you could ever desire. As you continue replay the action, you keep the frustration and anger fresh and etch the incident into your mind. Ever, for any reason, no matter how mad you are, no matter what she did. However, my dog is extremely shy and underconfident and today's episode may have added to the issues she already has. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. around 8 – 10 weeks, as before that they are supposed to be in their litter with the mom. Stay positive, work with your dog as much as you can. I know there's really no justification for what I did but when I got her back in I gave her 3-4 severe beatings with my hands. Been there. The key is rumination, a destructive—and common—mental habit. Therefore, I fed her my breakfast because she hadn't eaten her entire breakfast and sat and cuddled with her for a while. I'm sure it was the same for you. To tackle shyness - you need to build positive associations with triggers for the behavior. I don't want them to hate me. It's good to have party tricks and it's important to have fun with your dog. This exercise will help build trust, it's easy to do from your couch and help the dog understand that a down/sit/stand position is to be held until released. Just concentrate on moving forward and don't fret on the past. when I got her back in I gave her 3-4 severe beatings with my hands. You can't retaliate against your boss, since he'd fire you. Written by Madeline Stiers, LCSW Director of Clinical Services at the Hope and Healing Center & Institute. Rumination is what you do when you repeatedly relive an experience in your mind, replaying it, reviewing it, and reinterpreting it. I was so horrified at what I had done that it has never happened again. Have them pet, praise and fees the dog. My relationships with Red, Gromit and Consuela … Research led by psychologist Fred Bushman at the University of Michigan shows how likely people are to overreact to a minor annoyance after ruminating over an previous insult. She will be fine. He pees for revenge. To get my dogs (especially my rescue pit) to not chase small animals/other dogs, corrections worked very well for me. Edit - sorry about the misspellings. And finally, understand that it is the depression that causes them to lash out and it is not done to intentionally hurt you or your family. 5 thoughts on “ 14 Things to Do Instead of Being Frustrated with Your Dog ” J. Johnson November 10, 2015 at 5:04 pm My +R trainer told me something the first week of training, when I was getting frustrated with me dog.